Comprehending the Obvious
by BluePoweradeManiac12
Summary: Women: the bane of my existence. I do believe that I would swear them off entirely if my brother Ferb wasn't always there to convince me that one day, ONE DAY, it will all be worth it. It just, it sucks, you know? Every day, 23 times before lunch, 32 times before the final school bell rings, and countless more times after school, I see it. I see them. Together. Isabella and Collin.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: First off, I do not own Phineas and Ferb. This is the first chapter of what may turn out to be an ongoing series, depending on the amount of reviews, follows, and favorites that I receive. It is the first multi-chapter fanfic I have ever gone about writing, so feedback and tips would be much appreciated. Man, I'm glad I got that off my chest. Anyway, on with the story…**

**Chapter 1: Lose Yourself  
>(i.e. Regarding All Things That I Do Not Understand.)<strong>

Women: the bane of my existence. I do believe that I would swear them off entirely if my brother Ferb wasn't always there to convince me that one day, ONE DAY, it will all be worth it. It just, it sucks, you know? Every day, 23 times before lunch, 32 times before the final school bell rings, and countless more times after school, I see it. I see _them. _Together. Isabella and Collin.

It's not that I'm not happy for Isabella because I am. I'm happy that she's met someone who makes her smile. I'm happy that she's met someone that makes her laugh. I'm happy that she's met someone who treats her right. I'm happy that she's met someone who adores her as much as she deserves to be. I'm happy that she's met a nice guy (you get the point). I am. It's just really exasperating, and I don't know why.

Ferb laughed when I told him about this ridiculous infuriation I feel, yet don't understand. He's been doing that a lot lately (so much that I'm slightly concerned he's on drugs when I speak to him). I don't really know why he laughs so much, because it's not funny, but I'm guessing he's laughing at me. It makes me a little agitated, and not just at him, but also at Isabella because she's the cause of all of these maddening feelings. It's her fault.

And the thing is, I don't think that Isabella would ever want to or try to hurt me. She's the sweetest girl I've ever met, and I usually enjoy her company. So, why then does seeing her affect me the way it does? Why do I feel like she's vexing me? Why do I always feel the anxiety, the clammy hands, and that weird tingly feeling coming when I see her turning her head in English class ( because she sits in front of me) to speak to me? Why does frustration shoot through my body like a lightning bolt when I see her eyeing, or kissing, or holding hands with her boyfriend, Collin?

And that brings me to another thing I don't understand. You see, I like Collin. He's a cool guy, and I've already explained how good of a boyfriend he is to Isabella. But, you see, the thing is that when I see him and Isabella, I get angry, and I don't even have a reason to be angry. I just see them together and feel this totally foreign frustration and hostility building up inside me. And sometimes, I think I actually want to punch him. I don't think I've punched anyone in my entire life. I don't even know if I can punch. Collin can though because _of course _Collin can. He's in basketball and kickboxing. That's actually how he and Isabella met.

You see, Isabella is a natural born athlete. I'm obviously not (Co-founder of the Chess Club here, thank you very much), but Collin is. So, of course, they were in kick boxing together and 'just happened' to be paired up as sparing partners. This was at the beginning of the year – the time I think back on as "Before I Slowly Started to Lose My Mind".

Then, during Homecoming Week, Collin, the sneaky bastard (Sorry, I mean punk. Wait, no, jerk. Ugh, this isn't working), asked Isabella to Homecoming in front of their entire kickboxing class. He even brought in some members of the Men's Show Choir (because Show Choir can be very manly, let me assure you) to sing "Will you go to the prom with me" in a perfectly pitched version of Sam Smith's _Stay With Me. _The girls in that class called it "adorable". I call it "asking Isabella in front of a large group of people so that she can't turn you down". Overall, it was a well-formulated plan on Collin's part. I'll give him props for that.

Anyway, so Isabella saying yes to being Collin's date for Homecoming immediately got peoples' heads turning, and not just because they were both on the Homecoming Court. See, before Collin, Isabella was notorious for turning guys down. It's not that she was being snobby or rude or anything, she just didn't want to date any of the guys that asked her out. So, the fact that Collin asked Isabella out for Homecoming of all things was a huge head turner, which, looking back on it, was probably why they got Homecoming King and Queen.

After their landslide victory at Homecoming, Collin asked Isabella out on a date. Nothing fancy, mind you, just food at a hole-in-the-wall Collin knew and a reshowing at the old theatre in town of _The Princess Bride_, which is actually Isabella's favorite movie (The guy must have done his research), on a Saturday night. It was just the type of sweet and cheesy date that Isabella loves, so it wasn't really surprising when Isabella and Collin came to school hand-in-hand on Monday and became the school's 'It' couple. That Monday was the day the "Before I Slowly Started to Lose My Mind" phase of my life ended and the "I'm Losing It" part of my life, which I am still in, started.

Yesterday, though, was New Year's, and New Year's is a time for change. I'm going to figure out what's wrong with me because I'm pretty sure I'm not myself anymore. Also, I'm tired of Ferb laughing at me like he's in on a joke that I'm not in on. I HATE it when people do that, which is funny because I didn't even know I could hate up until this year. Anyway, I need to stop giving myself a pep talk in the bathroom before my parents suspect something is wrong and try giving me fiber bars again or something. I mean, something probably is wrong with me, but still…

Anyway, my name is Phineas Flynn and I am slowly losing myself and my mind.

**Another Author's Note: So, that's the first chapter, and I hope you enjoyed it. Phineas is really oblivious, isn't he? On a different note, if anyone could suggest to me or offer to be a beta reader for this story, that would be much appreciated. Anyway, thanks for reading this story. Depending on reception, there could be another chapter next week. Until then, this is BluePoweradeManiac12 signing off.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: So, there's no Collin in this chapter, but he will be in the next chapter. Also, thank you to those who reviewed, followed, and favored this story. You guys are the real MVPs because those things are what keep this story going. Okay, I'm done. Continuing on with the story…**

**Chapter 2: Walking in a Winter Wonderland  
>(i.e. Walking in the Freezing Cold Atmosphere that is the Tri-State Area during the Winter)<strong>

After twenty minutes of explaining to my parents that, no, I did not need any more fiber bars, thank you very much; I decide to escape to the great outdoors. Being that I live in the middle of a suburb, that means outside.

I walk to the rhythm of the song I am whistling, _You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch_, my mind somewhere else even though my body is very clearly here (my nose is running, my ears are red, and my hands are tingling; all in all, not the most picturesque winter moment, but I don't want to go back indoors and have my parents shoving more fiber bars in my hands just yet). Suddenly, though, I hear someone call my name.

"Phineas," a voice that sounds remarkably similar to Isabella's yells.

Hmm, voices in my head, that's a new one.

"Phineas," the voice yells again. This time, I'm sure it's Isabella's voice, her real voice. There was just certain sweetness in the way my name rolled off of her tongue that can't be replicated by my imagination, and that's saying something because I have a very vivid imagination.

I turn, and sure enough, it's her – The Isabella Garcia-Shapiro. So I do the same thing anyone would do to the person they blame their current lack of mental health on, I smile.

"I knew it was you," she says, stepping out from the shadows of a lamppost close to where I stood. You know, like how they would in one of those old-timey detective movies.

"How?" I ask. After all, she hadn't seen my face; my distinctive red hair was covered with an plain, old black beanie, and I was wearing my father's even older black trench coat (maybe she has a superpower that I've been previously unaware of).

"You have," she looks deep in thought for a second before her face suddenly lights up, "a very distinctive backside".

Isabella looks extremely pleased at her word choice, but I just feel confused.

"I have a distinctive backside?" I point at myself. I shake my head and say, "Isabella, that doesn't make any sense".

"Of course it does," she says, obviously confused as to how I don't understand.

"Really?" I ask skeptically, crossing my arms, making a face, and channeling my inner Ferb – he uses this face all of the time.

"Yes", she says exasperated and then crosses her arms and knits her eyebrows. Lightly, she taps her chin with her finger, "Hmm, how should I put this". Finally she says, "The way you walk and hold yourself".

"So let me get this straight, you came up to me because you recognized my walk. I'm sorry Isabella, but that kind of thought process could get you mugged".

She frowned so deeply at this that it seemed almost comical, then she shrugged it off and tried to explain, "You walk, you've always walked with a purpose: head and back straight, a spring in your step, always facing forward. It's like you always have a plan. It's like you always know exactly what you want".

"How do you know that?" I ask, but vaguely, in the back of my mind, I wonder _why_ she knows that small, trivial detail about me.

She shrugs, "You're very easily definable because everything about you is uniquely Phineas".

_Uniquely Phineas_, I don't think I can ever recall being described that way, but I suppose it makes sense (or at least as much sense as anything else Isabella says).

Out loud, I say, "Uniquely Phineas, I like it. It fits". Then, I hold out my arm, a weird anxiety building in my chest. "Would you care to walk with me?" I ask.

Isabella intertwines her arm with mine, and for a second, just because it's her, and because I feel like someone just gave me a large dose of meth (which would explain my sudden burst of energy and euphoria), I want to sing _We're Off to See the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. _And so, because it's Isabella, I do.

"We're off to see the Wizard, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz because because because…"I sing aloud, skipping along to the beat of the song down our very own yellow brick road (more so known as the grey cement-slabbed sidewalk, but it's close enough to the real thing for me).

At first, Isabella looks startled at my sudden outburst. After all, I haven't really burst out into song since my voice started cracking during a music number when I was in Junior High (trust me, it was a traumatic experience). However, after a moment of awkwardly being dragged around, Isabella laughs that beautiful, melodic laugh of hers, and skips and sings right along with me.

"You're crazy, Phineas," she says breathlessly as we stop to catch our breath some time later.

"I know," I tell her.

From there, we slip into a companionable silence, and it feels nice. Too nice. Like, the type of nice you feel right before something bad happens. Wait a minute, I had a dream like this once, and (I look up at the full moon) it was just like this, except there was a-

"Why are you looking around so frantically?" Isabella asks as she walks beside me.

"Werewolves," I answer very seriously (because Werewolves are not something to joke about. I don't care how many times you've seen Twilight. This shit is serious).

Isabella bursts out laughing, and even though it's still no laughing matter, I can't help but chuckle a little as well. Her laugh is just infectious like that. Wait a minute, _infectious…_

I look over to Isabella, though she doesn't seem to notice, and narrow my eyes.

Yes, of course, it all makes sense now…

…Wait, no it doesn't. That was a dumb thought. To think, laughter would be the cause of craziness (excluding laughing gas and The Joker from Batman).

"What'cha thinking about, Phineas? You've been kind of quiet, and for a second there, I thought someone was giving me _The_ _Ojo_," Isabella asks, tilting her head as she looked up at me, her blue eyes looking into mine as if she can read my mind.

Oh, maybe she did notice that look I gave her earlier.

"Ha-ha, that's weird," I cough awkwardly.

"Yeah," she agrees.

Now, we're rounding the street corner and heading back down to our houses. Once more, we walk in silence, but it's not the awkward kind where baby turtles are born or anything, it's the nice kind.

"Well, thank you for walking with me," I tell her when we reach her house.

"Yeah, I had fun. We should do this again sometime," she says, and then…and then I see something that almost positively ensures me that I'm going crazy.

You see, when she smiles at me, her face is glowing. No, I'm serious, it's glowing and shimmering, and…oh God, that's just great. Now, I'm hallucinating too.

"Phineas are you okay?" she asks, but now I see cherry blossoms behind her, and her hair seems to somehow be flowing in the wind, which doesn't make any sense because there's no breeze out. But it all just looks so real.

I blink. Hard.

"Phineas is there something wrong?" Isabella asks, and now I can see the confusion written on her face, and the weird Isabella Land hallucination seems to have finally disappeared.

"I'm fine," I lie. I'm obviously not fine if I think I can see real cherry blossoms in the middle of the winter, but I'm not going to tell Isabella that. I don't want to worry her.

"Okay, Phineas, if you say so," Isabella says, looking slightly unconvinced. But, it must have been good enough because she starts to get to the door of her house, and I do the same with mine.

"Goodnight, Isabella," I whisper yell (because it's past three in the morning now) as she starts to close her front door and I start to close mine.

"Goodnight, Phineas," she returns, and then she closes the door.

I tiptoe into my house, as everyone is now in their beds, and make my way up the stairs and into my bedroom. Ferb is sound asleep. I can tell because he is snoring softly. Me, though, I'm a bit of an insomniac.

Usually, I blame my insomnia on the fact that I think I'm going crazy, and tonight's no exception. All I can think about is Isabella, and how I basically hallucinated like a person with Schizophrenia. Do I have Schizophrenia? Oh shit…

My name is Phineas Flynn. I'm talking to a ceiling, and I think I might have Schizophrenia.

**Another Author's Note: If you haven't done so already, you should read and review my other Phineas and Ferb story, What We Choose To Be.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I would first like to apologize for this chapter coming out a little late; I had a busy weekend and didn't have time to write. Next, I would like to once again thank those who reviewed; I enjoyed reading what you had to say. Lastly, I would like to give fair warning; a small part of this chapter is a little dark, but I tried my best to keep it as clean as possible. Okay, on with the story.**

**Chapter 3: Asleep  
>(i.e. The Part of Our Story Where We Get to See What Our Hero Dreams About)<strong>

It's officially Monday now. My clock reads 12:00 AM and in less than eight hours, I'm going to see Isabella again with Colin. Shit.

"Did you say something Phineas?" Ferb asks, his lamp dully lit, his book in his lap, and his eyebrows lifted questioningly.

How did he hear me? Is he a mind reader? Man, I need to pay better attention to that guy.

"I'm not a mind reader Phineas," he says.

"What the he-" I start to say.

"You're thinking aloud".

"Oh…" Well, that was anticlimactic.

"It was, wasn't it?"

I turn and look towards Ferb in shock. I specifically made sure that I wasn't talking out loud that time. There's no possible way he could have known what I was thinking unless he really is…but that's ridiculous. Then again, so was the thought of Perry being a secret agent, and look how that turned out. I don't know. Maybe he really is a-

"A mind reader?" Ferb asks with his eyes on the pages of his book.

You know what; I'm probably just really sleep deprived. That's a logical explanation, right? I just haven't been sleeping very much lately and now I'm hallucinating and conjuring up crazy convictions about things that are obviously not true. There's only one way to fix this. I'm counting sheep. Let's see, how do I do this again…Oh yeah, I got it: one fish, two fish, red fish – wait, that's not right. That's that one Dr. Seuss book that isn't about possible homicidal or pedophilic felines (What's up with that guy and animals, anyway?).

Let me try this again. One sheep (Sheep 1 says: bah), two sheep (Sheep 1 and 2 say: baaah), three sheep (Sheep 1, 2, and 3 as a chorus say: baaaah), four sheep…

It's working. Wait, why is Ferb whistling the theme from _Shawn the Sheep_? He couldn't…Oh well; I'm too tired to care.

-Page Break-

I'm not really sure if I'm asleep or awake now. I think I'm asleep because the Cat in the Hat is here, looking creepily at those two children from the storybook, and that orange fish in the bowl (if you've read the book or have seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about) is nodding knowingly at me as if we're kindred spirits or something. I nod back before the room I'm in suddenly changes and twists into complete darkness.

"Hello," I yell into the darkness, "is anybody there?"

Then I start to hear a young, girly, giggling laughter far off in the distance and race towards it. It's a little girl, I realize (though, I can only really make out her backside) as I start running. I run after her for what feels like forever (which is how I now know for sure this is a dream because I CAN NOT RUN), and the sweat is literally dripping off my face. Finally, she stops in front of what appears to be a door. As I close in, I realize two things: the little girl is a younger version of Isabella (how did I not see that coming?) and the door she's in front of is my bedroom door.

"Why did you lead me here?" I ask her. Seriously, I feel like I'm in an episode of _The Twilight Zone._

She just smiles at me in an almost eerie way and points at the door, gesturing for me to open it. I take a deep breath and do as she says.

For a second, I'm blinded by a shining white light before everything comes back into focus, and I see where I am – a dingy hospital hallway with flickering lights. I walk along the tiled floor, my footsteps echoing loudly with the _clunk, clunk, clunk _sound of my worn-out red sneakers. I look around and notice that the hallway is lined with thick, metal doors. Curious, I decide to try opening one of the doors.

"Hello Kevin's brother," a talking zebra sitting in a rocking chair in the corner of the hospital room tells me as he sips on a cup of coffee.

"Well, this is weird," I say.

"Oh, it gets much stranger, Kevin's brother," the zebra says laughing.

The zebra is still laughing when I shut the door to the room, but once the door is completely shut, I can no longer hear him, and the hallway is once more completely silent.

"I wonder what's in these other rooms," I say to myself and decide to go and open up the door to the room across the hallway from the zebra room.

"It's just that you never talk to me anymore," I hear a slightly muffled, deep voice say as I open the door.

"I'm sorry about that. I just get busy sometimes, you know that," an Indian-accented man replies back.

I open the door all the way and am surprised to see an agitated-looking Buford, with his prized blue letterman on (his tattoo of his beloved pet, Biff, partially showing on his wrist), sitting in a loveseat with a khaki-panted, buttoned up flannel shirt wearing Baljeet. His arms are crossed and Baljeet has this exasperated look on his face. Across from them sits our well-manicured, glasses wearing, High School Councilor, who seems to be nodding knowingly at what Buford and Baljeet are saying.

"Buford," the Councilor says, "if you want to salvage this relationship with Baljeet, you're going to have to give and take. He's obviously very busy, and you're going to have to respect that you can't always be his number one priority".

"And Baljeet," the Councilor continues, "If you want to keep this precious relationship with Buford going, you're going to have to take his feelings into consideration. Don't toss them aside. Take them. Accept them. I think the two of you have a beautiful relationship ahead of you, and if you just support each other, I know you'll make it".

"Thank you Councilor," Baljeet says, standing up to shake the Councilor's hand.

"Yes," the Councilor hands Buford a much needed tissue as Baljeet gives him a comforting pat on the back, "thank you Councilor".

Well, I've seen enough of this rather strange (yet oddly accurate) depiction of my friends, so I shut the door.

I continue walking down the hallway for a while, trying to find a door that might get me out of this hospital. Finally, I see a door with an exit sign above it and decide to go in. It's not what I expected to see to say the least.

On what appears to be a hospital bed are Collin and Isabella in the most explicit position I've ever seen two people in (and once I walked in on my parents. It was gross). I see Isabella moaning with eyes closed, and I see Collin look up at me with an evil grin on his face. I step backwards, reaching for the door, when the room starts spinning.

"Come on, Phineas. Wake up, just wake up…" I tell myself, blinking hard. After all, there no place quite like home, and right now, I'd give anything for a pair of ruby red slippers.

"Phineas," Collin says, but it's not Collin's voice, its Ferb's.

"Phineas, wake up".

I look up to find my concerned looking, green-haired brother looking at me. I look around the room. There's light outside the window, so it must be morning.

"Hey, it's almost time for school," Ferb says grabbing his backpack from his corner of our room.

"Yeah, okay. I'm getting up," I tell him, getting up from my bed.

My name is Phineas Flynn, and I'm really bad at lucid dreaming.

**Another Author's Note: So, I originally wrote more for when Phineas enters the room with Isabella and Collin, but then I scrapped it for two reasons. One, this story is supposed to be a comedy, and I'm trying to remain true to that, though I get a little carried away sometimes. Two, the rating on this is T, so I'm also trying to keep to that rating as well. Anyway, continue reviewing. **


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